One of the biggest factors in how a person moves through a challenging time is the type of support he/ she receives. Those who consider having adequate support often share how beneficial it was having people around to talk with, cry with, listen to, or even help provide a brief distraction from whatever traumatic or stressful life event that is taking place. Having people around you when the trials of life happen as well as to help celebrate the joys of life is a reminder that you do not have to endure or live life alone. However, it is not just having a support system that makes all the difference, but the strength of the system and how your support system is composed.

Cheryl** may be going through a challenging time at work and knows that her friend Tracy** will answer her call to allow her to vent about her struggles. Chris also calls Tracy to ask her for gas money to help her get to work on a weekly basis. In addition to that, Chris requests for Tracy to look over her resume and go clothes shopping with her. Chris soon finds that Tracy begins to stop answering her phone calls and is less available to assist her and then begins to criticize and doubt Tracy's commitment to being her friend and supporting her through her work stress.

There are times, too, may act like Chris above and try to use one person as the sole person responsible for supporting us through challenges. That can easily burn a person out and they may not be able to be everything to you, but maybe can help out here and there. That is why it is important to consider the makeup of your support system and know who is who within it.  Who is the person who you can go to for emotional support? That may be a different person who is able to help you fine-tune a resume. The person who is able to convince you to get out of the house for a night of fun and relaxation may be a different person who will sit with you while you cry and provide a shoulder to lean on when you are really having a hard moment.

If you find yourself struggling to get the support you need, it may be time to do an evaluation of who you consider the support and what role they play in your support system. Think of yourself as the hub of a wheel and the people in your life are the spokes that help the wheel keep its shape and rolling. Each spoke is in a different position to help support the weight of whatever is being carried.

Tips to Create the Support You Need

1. Assess who is in your life - Take inventory of friends, family, coworkers, etc., and the relationships you have with them and the role they play in your life.
2. Diversify- Make sure you have different people in your circle to meet your various needs. Please look at the following photo to help see how diverse your support system is:*
3. Communicate what you need- Let those identified people know what you are seeking in terms of support and allow them an opportunity to say whether that is an expectation they can fill or if they think they might better serve in a different capacity as support.
   **Fictional names and situation
   Information provided in this blog is not meant to replace professional help.